You told me that someone once told you that bad things usually happen when it's raining. You said that this was the main reason why you started hating rain. I never knew why until I realized how bad it would hurt every time it rained. How bad my heart twisted and turned, how it wouldn't let go of the shadow of you, how it clinged onto memory of you turning your back against me. How odd. You once said, it's us against the world. Now, it's only me, alone.

Labels: Fanfic

As I was walking home from school as usual, someone caught up with me, grabbed my arm and forced me to turn behind. As expected, it was Kyuhyun. He never really tried treating me right and nice. I was sick with his attitude. With a heavy sigh, I shook his hand off my arm and said, ‘ Yes, Mr Perfect?’ All he did was glare at him. I had never seen this man this angry before but I was too sick with him to care. ‘Nothing?’ With that I continued walking home. ‘Why did you say that about Seohyun?’ he shouted. I was so shocked I spun around and looked at him, top to bottom. Do I really know this guy?, I thought. ‘What are you talking about? I never said anything about Seohyun to anyone. Bye,’ This time I really made it home and then only allowed myself to weep, like a lost child, like a brokenhearted teenager. Actually, that was what I was – a brokenhearted teenager who couldn’t bother caring about anything anymore. And now he’s protective over Seohyun.

One week ago. I was in school, trying so hard to concentrate on my homework when Seohyun(the girl Kyuhyun told me he liked blahblahblah) walked right up to Kyuhyun and kissed him, like SLAMMED her lips to his lips. I could see the whole class was stunned and remained being stunned for the next one week, Kyuhyun was obviously shocked by such affectionate Seohyun however I saw him kissing back Seohyun and snaked both arms around Seohyun’s hourglass figure to embrace her. All these happened when my heart, as a loser as I am, broke. I didn’t cry nor scream, I just packed my things and walked home, with sorrow accompanying every step that I took. I reached home and tried to take a nap because I really didn’t want to cry like a sore loser. That’s when I received a text.
From: Kyu
Hey wassup? \o/
From: (your name)
Trying to nap when you texted. Bye.
From: Kyu
Are you mad at me? Bout the Seohyun thing?
From: (your name)
What Seohyun thing? I really don’t give a damn about you and Seohyun. I just want to nap.
From: Kyu
Uh I’ll see you tmrw then.
From: (your name)
It’s ok. I really don’t wanna see you tmrw.
I might had sounded really bitchy but I couldn’t help it. He called that commotion ‘the Seohyun thing’? He had a choice, who to kiss and who to not. I didn’t have the right to even talk to him right now. Sure we were best friends but what happened to us? He seemed to ignore me half the time.

Right now. I was in school, talking to Sungmin about the upcoming prom night.
‘Eh Minnie, who you’re going with? I asked.
‘Probably Sunny. I haven’t asked her though,’ whispered Sungmin.
‘Omg you like her? I KNEW IT. Just ask her la Minnie, I think she likes you too.’
‘Enough bout me. Who YOU are going with?’ Curiousity burned in Sungmin’s eyes.
Before I could give Sungmin any response at all, I heard,
‘ME.’ Kyuhyun said, firmly.
What the hell is wrong with this man., if he likes Seohyun, he can just go with her for all I care, I thought.
‘I am not,’ I said. ‘Siwon asked me and I said yes.’ Ok that’s a lie, it’s white lie though. So that Kyuhyun wouldn’t need to feel bad for me because I thought that that was his only reason for wanting to go with me.
‘But I want to go with you, please,’ he begged with his annoying big eyes.
‘You can go with Seohyun if you want to, you don’t have to pity me, I’m fine on my own, eh no, I’m fine with Siwon.’ With that I turned my back and heard my heart break, again.
On prom night. I really couldn’t go because seriously Siwon didn’t ask me so I had no date. Whatever. I had to pretend that I was going because my mum seemed so happy for me. I wore my pearl sapphire blue tube short dress and a black strappy heels. With nowhere to go to in this ridiculously pretty dress, I went to my favourite place – Haneul Park. I just sat there, stared at my phone, willing it to ring, wanting to hear Kyuhyun’s soothing voice but I guessed it was too much to ask for. To be honest, I was really bitchy. With a sigh, I hugged myself tighter because of the chilly wind in mid autumn.
Suddenly I felt an arm around me, embracing me tight. Instinctively, I moved and saw a very very handsome Kyuhyun. In a devil-can-kill black suit.
‘Wh-what are you doing here, Kyu?’ I stuttered.
‘Ahh it’s been a long time you ever call me Kyu. But what are YOU doing here? Where is Siwon?’
‘Umm.. umm..’
‘It was a lie, wasn’t it?’
I was too embarrassed. I couldn’t lift my head to even look at him. I could only nod.
‘It’s ok, (your name).’ Then he hugged me. I couldn’t even pretend to not love him anymore. I merely looked up at him and he laughed.
‘I know I know. You love me right?’
‘No other than you.’
'I did all those things I did to make you say you love me but you didn't so..'
'Sorry. I love you.'

That’s when he bent down to kiss me full on my lips.

THE END.

Labels: Fanfic, Kyuhyun, Super Junior

The man was right in front of you. He was comfortably slumped onto that red couch, one arm embracing a lucky pillow, another arm holding that glass of wine you offered to him. Why is he even here if he’s not gonna say anything at all, you thought. You continued staring and your mind incidentally wondered off to a better world.

You noticed the way he’d moan aloud everytime you touched a certain sensitive spot on his clavicle, that delightfully sexy bone. When mouth against mouth, you’d melt into his warm embrace, into that pair of arms that seemed to be ready to catch you whenever you ever fell. But what if you fell in love with him, would he catch you? His slightly ruffled soft brown hair, smooth as always, gleaming under that dim candle light. You’d sink your fingers into that sea of hair that usually covered part of his beautiful face. His eyes, tunnel straight to his soul, defined his personality, random and fun, the way you liked it. You shivered when his palm, as large as it may looked, warm and left that fuzzy feeling when removed it from the crook of your cheek.


Then, he took a painfully slow sip from the glass, leaving a smudge of vapour on the edge of the glass, swallowing the wine only after he rolled it to savour its taste. You ached in places you never knew existed as you watched that man tease you like this, or maybe he wasn’t but it sure did feel that way. You suddenly felt the need to be somewhere else, anywhere else. When he crossed his long legs and hugged onto that despicable pillow harder and whispered, ‘Cold.’ You never wanted to hug someone that much, out of love and also you wanted him to be warm and nice. Since you couldn’t, you moved your hands and hid them below your thighs, like a reassurance.

He slipped a hand under your shirt and made you gasp, a low throaty moan followed after. Your back arched instinctively, a natural reaction. You whimpered when his hands left you feeling cold air slapping against your skin. You opened your eyes to find him looking at you with such intensity that your skin burned. When he whispered the 3 words you longed to hear so much, you felt the world becoming colourful, you saw hope.


A year before. You were happily enjoying your school life. You attended the Film Club. You read Othello. You ate canteen food. You tripped and fell like everybody else but he was always there to catch you. You didn’t know why either. Books, teachers but mostly him after that. He was everywhere you went, he was all that you saw. You tried avoiding him because he had a girlfriend after all. Her name was Haneul. She was gorgeous, no other words. She always thought you were a pain in her neck when you didn’t even do anything. Apparently, you tried to steal him away. Yeah right. Would he ever choose you over her? No. Then you heard the sound of your own heart breaking.

You hid. When he came walking towards you, you turned back and scurried off to a small corner as you saw Haneul stopped him halfway and embraced him into an open-mouthed kiss. You slumped down against the wall and tried to shrink yourself to the smallest possible size. You put your head between your knees and tried to breathe without letting your tears of weakness to fall. Then, you felt someone settling next to you.

‘I broke up with her,’ he said.

‘WHY? You guys are like the perfect couple everybody envies,’ you exclaimed.

‘Including you?’

‘Well..’ Wait. Was he teasing? You raised your hand to hit him but his strong hand caught you and within seconds, his face and yours were merely a breath away. You looked away, out of embarrassment. Does he know that I like him?, you thought.

‘If you think any harder, you’d be talking,’ he whispered and then there was no more space left between you and him. You had always wondered how his lips would taste like so when you finally realized that you’re kissing, you smiled and you thought he felt it because then, he smiled too.

You were happy. You used to be.

One day, you found a letter on his desk. It was from Haneul and lots of little hearts on the envelope. You knew it was wrong but when driven by curiousity, you gave up trust. That was one mistake. After you read the letter, it wasn’t a mistake anymore. It saved you, from more pain.

‘What’s this letter for?’ you shook the letter vigorously in front of him. ‘WHY?’

He closed his eyes shut, as if weary of you. ‘You don’t trust me. Maybe we should take a break from each other for awhile.’

‘Fine.’ It wasn’t. It never was. Then he walked away and never looked back once. Later, you heard that it was because Haneul was sick. He blamed himself so he swore to look after her. After she died, he blamed himself even more. Nowadays, he was better though.

Not long after, he ended up on your red couch. Now. I didn’t know what he wanted. After that, he whispered once again, ‘I’m cold. Come here.’ You tucked your hands into your jacket pocket, to make sure you wouldn’t do anything humiliating. As stiffly as possible, you inched towards him and sat on that same red couch, knees touching. You decided that that was too close, just when you were about to move an inch away from him, he wrapped his strong arm around your shoulder and pulled you so you were lying directly on his chest.

‘Can you hear my heart beating? It’s beating for only you.’

You looked up at him and saw the sincerity in his eyes. You started to say something but the next thing you knew, he shut you up by smashing his lips to yours. You closed my eyes and savoured that kiss. Then, he pulled away.

‘You know a secret? Me, Heo Young Saeng, has always loved you.’

‘Why isn’t there any words amazing enough invented to describe you?’ you wondered aloud.

When he smiled, you were alive.

Labels: Fanfic, SS501, Young Saeng

‘ I’ll make you mine one day,’ That was what Hyunjoong said before leaving me forever, leaving me to be together with the man I loved, Jungmin.

A YEAR BEFORE.

‘Jungmin ya, why do you keep throwing nonsense parties? I don’t even enjoy birthday parties that much,’ I said with a slight pout. I looked around me and saw celebrities tripping over each other, doing body shots and kissing random people with no fear of the paparazzi, at all. I rubbed my eyes, weary of how celebrities did things and how they thought that they are gods when in fact, they were just entertainers, with gifts to sing or dance or merely talk. As Jungmin was pulled away by an actress I didn’t even bother knowing, I stumbled through the crazy horde that formed around the bar and managed to finally inhale air that weren’t all polluted by cigarette smoke. I closed my eyes and then felt a really gentle arm closing around my waist, pulling me closer and then before I could even see who that gentle arm belong to, that person stole a kiss from me by gently smashing our lips together. I almost melted into that kiss with the stranger but it wasn’t a stranger when I opened my eyes. It was Hyunjoong. Hyunjoong kissed me. I enjoyed Hyunjoong’s kiss. I said, ‘Sorry,’pushed Hyunjoong away and went back to the party and searched for Jungmin.
I needed Jungmin. I needed Jungmin to tell me it was alright, it was okay, it was a mistake. I couldn’t stand myself, I became just like all these celebrities, kissing anyone and everyone else they probably didn’t even know. But where the hell is Jungmin? That was when I saw him, leaning over the bar counter, locking his beautiful lips with an idol star from Caramel or something similar to it. You know, when people talked about heartbreaking, I never knew you could really literally hear your heart break, bit by bit. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from that scene that I knew would make me sick even after ten years. That was also when I felt the same gentle strong arm hugged my shoulder and began to lead me away, away from the party, away from that building, away from Jungmin and all the pain he caused me.
That one week was: Hyunjoong, tears, sleepless nights, tears, phone calls,and Hyunjoong. Nothing from Jungmin except for a text.
From: Minnie
‘Sup babe?
I ignored that and filled my week with more tears.

A YEAR LATER.

After that week, Jungmin came to me and begged for forgiveness. I forgave him and continued loving him, but to my horror, I realized that it wasn’t Jungmin that I talk to when I’m saddest anymore, I automatically dial #1 on my phone and #1 was Hyunjoong to me. I didn’t admit that to anybody, not even to myself, what more Jungmin. Jungmin didn’t know, Hyunjoong didn’t either, I wasn’t sure myself. This went on until Hyunjoong confessed, on his knees, a ring and a sincere heart I couldn’t bear to break. But I was with Jungmin. Hyunjoong didn’t accept the rejection well and swore to return two years later to claim me as his.

2 YEARS LATER.

The wind was chilly on that fateful winter night. I wrapped my beige coat closer to contain the warmth because I may still needed to be alive for my own wedding. Jungmin. He proposed. I said yes. I didn’t love him anymore. Him, more girls, more random kisses. He said it was to excite his life even more.
‘You understand this, don’t you?’
‘I guess.’
Then he went on with his sickening lifestyle I had to bear each painful day. I wanted to call off the wedding but he had seemed sincere when proposing but not after. I didn’t know what to think.
When Hyunjoong returned and met up with me, he said he had heard what Jungmin did to me. He practically shouted all Jungmin’s sins and that caused me to be on the brink of breaking down.
‘Leave him. Or I’ll make him leave you,’ Hyunjoong said, stern.
‘No. I ca-ca-can’t. We’re getting married.’ This was when an unfaithful tear slowly slide down my face and Hyunjoong briefly flicked it away.
‘He doesn’t care about you. I do. Trust me.’
I couldn’t take it anymore and nodded as hard as I could with more tears threatening to spill. Hyunjoong inched closer and embraced me In the warmest hug ever. Slowly, he bent down and we relived the kiss we both shared on that party night. I love him.

Labels: Fanfic, Hyun Joong, SS501

Determination burned in her eyes. I couldn't do that to her.


Strong willpower makes anyone desperate.


It had been months. I stopped her from following me to my practices, concerts and interviews. I stopped her from giving me her love, her gentle touches and caring speeches. I completely blocked her out of my life and me. I hated myself for a very long time, it never did fade, I thought it would never ever fade off. Not like the coffee stain on my shirt, not the stain of tears on my cheeks nor the hatred in her eyes. How could I ever ask her to forgive me?


Maknae of a group had to have the cleanest image of all. I had to keep myself away from scandals and rumours. The truth was, I didn't care about my image. I cared about her, her image and her heart. I knew she would be heartbroken when the papparazzi spread all those hurtful rumours. I was trying to protect her. In my own very way. I had to do that. But she would never forgive me. I was her first love.


I rubbed my eyes and stared at the ceiling.


Forgive and forget?


I saw her out on the street a few week ago. It was winter. It was such a beautiful sight I wanted to capture it down by all means. I took a picture of her. Looking up at the sky. Wanting to catch the snow and put it in her mouth. Her arms raised and lips carved upwards. I stared at this picture for so many times I could even sketch it out. She wore the red scarf I gave her, it was carefully hidden beneath her beige coat. It was her favourite coat. I smiled when I saw her doing this. We used to always do that when the first snow fell. This time, she was with no one. She was alone. But she still smiled. She still managed to smile. But me?


Someone stained the snow black.


I did all the things I needed to hurt her. She didn't want to leave. I guess she was bleeding so much she left me. She was my inspiration since then. I never ever forgot bout her. Never.


I didn't need her to forgive me. I just needed her to know I love her.


You know you are forgiven when the birds soar by.

Labels: Fanfic, Random

That ache of reliving your pain.


He watched her leave. He remembered his eyes were filled with tears he didn't want her to see. He loved her so much. She just simply took her coat, turned her back and walked out the door. She walked out of his life, bringing a string of the remainder pieces of his heart. She just didn't care. He even thought he saw the faint flash of joy in her eyes when he broke the news to her. He knew it wasn't his fault but he didn't bother to explain. All because she didn't care.

"Earth to Heechul!" Sungmin waved his hand in front of him. Looking at Sungmin, Heechul decided he would forget about that woman, that woman so broke his heart.


The confusing twists and turns of the maze. The anticipation of each junction. The love that made the maze, has trapped him within itself.


He was startled. His heartbeat was pacing fast. So fast he felt dizzy. He watched his life flashed past before his eyes. It was as if he was watching a movie on his life. That felt weird. But this movie was different. It was over within seconds. His mother, his dog, his first love. Then it all went black.


He heard Sungmin. He slowly opened his eyes and saw patches of black on his cornea. Then he saw Sungmin's familiar flushed smile, he was watching him, looking concerned. He felt better already. Sungmin gently touched his cheek, pushing his hair off his face.


It's not forbidden, is it?


Now only he realised that he was still at home. On the red couch. He wanted so much for Sungmin to hold him in his arms. But he didn't know what it would do to their friendship and what other members will think of them. He felt that pang of disappointment he always felt when Sungmin walked away. Sungmin went and brought him a cup of warm water. His hands touched Sungmin's and immediately he felt that electricity but Sungmin didn't seem to feel anything.


Is it wrong to feel?


Sungmin lied down next to him on the couch. Gently touching him. Heechul hugged himself, feeling cold. Sungmin sensed that and hugged him. Not as tightly as a lover would but not as casual as a friendly hug. Heechul didn't know what to think.


What about communication?


"Hyung, how are you now?" Sungmin turned to face him. They were a breath away from each other and Heechul felt breathless and that familiar pacing up of his heart was happening again. He felt trapped in a maze carved of Sungmin's soothing smile, caring sweet words and Sungmin himself. He liked that maze. He didn't bother answering Sungmin, instead he gave himself that satisfaction of being able to do anything he wanted when he was sick.


Free from that maze and fall right into another.


They used to kiss each other all the time. For fun. But it was nothing like this. Intense, full of anticipation of what was going to happen next and what was going to happen after. Sungmin was taken aback at first but soon he opened up and let Heechul bring him anywhere he wanted and somewhere he never would have believed he would be. They fell back breathless with smirks on their faces. Heechul no longer felt trapped in that maze of the forbidden love but now trapped in Sungmin and his arms. Much better, Heechul thought and brought his lips back on Sungmin's and they were on a ride. Together.


Barrier? What's that?


It is no more forbidden.

Labels: Fanfic, Super Junior

Back in the days, it was blissful for me. That day, when I walked on the street, I felt the wind slapping my face and messing up my long curly hair, the sun's ray warming my heart and when I saw you, my heart skipped and I knew, it was you.


We stopped and looked at each other. I assumed for the longest time ever. We locked eyes. Trying to grasp all the information we could get of each other in that short few seconds. We were afraid of losing each other although we hadn't even met before this. There was a connection. No one believed me when I told them this story of ours. But I didn't care. We both knew it was possible for love at first sight to happen.


It did happen. After the longest time ever, we walked towards each other. You put on a forced smile on your angular face but I knew you were as terrified as me. Terrified of this sudden new stranger. I was too. I walked towards you, slowly at first. Then I sped up. I couldn't wait to hold you in my arms. You were like an angel. I thought you were. I almost imagined a halo on you. I smiled at that thought.


When I finally held you, I smelled in your sweet scent and called your name. We both knew each other's name before we even introduced ourselves. That must had meant something right? We didn't even talk to each other before yet I felt as though I've known you since forever. You had the familiarity I need. The comfort I yearned for years. The love I wanted. It was all in you. Only you.


But that was back in the days. When you were not here anymore, I only thought about how we met. How ironic it was that I always jokingly asked you to get lost and now you were gone. You didn't choose to go. But still. You're gone and that's all that matters to me. Your love, Nichkhun.

Labels: Fanfic

Short version.


******************************************


I held up one hand to shield my eyes from the glaring sun, in order to see where he was going. Why didn't he answer me when I called out to him?


I followed him. Careful not to let him notice. I almost tripped when I stepped on a twig. Thank god he didn't hear that. I continued following him. Where is he going in such a hurry? Probably exercise or something. Heck no I don't even believe myself.


He got blurry. I thought it was my sweat that betrayed my eyes but no, its wasn't because it was still blurry even after I tried wiping it away. The ground spinned below me. I lost my balance.


I woke up feeling grouchy. I jumped up, startled. As I looked into blackness of his eyes, I felt like I was going through a tunnel of his soul. It was the shortest way to reach to him. But he wouldn't let me. He never did let me. He made sure I was fin then turned away, wore his coat and walked out the door.



'Siwon..'


I couldn't even hear myself. Of course he couldn't too. He didn't turn back. I grabbed a coat and chased him. This time, I didn't bother hiding. He ran and ran into the woods. I knew why he went into the woods. He was feeling guilty. He just found out that he killed his best friend. He didn't know.


'You shouldn't feel guilty.'
'Why shouldn't I? I killed him.' His voice was as cold as ice. I shivered.


He wouldn't listen to me. I chased and chased while calling his name. He refused to look back. He reached the other side of the woods. He stopped. I ran as fast as I could to reach him in time. He looked up at the sky, feeling the warmth of the sun's ray on his face, he breathed in the salty smell of the ocean. He turned back and looked at me. He smiled, as though everything was fine, as though he no longer had problems. I ran. I felt my heartbeat increasing, my heart banging against my ribcage. I couldn't breathe. My tears threatening to fall. I couldn't stop crying when I reached the cliff, because I saw him. Him, gone.


He jumped, I died.

Labels: Fanfic