The man was right in front of you. He was comfortably slumped onto that red couch, one arm embracing a lucky pillow, another arm holding that glass of wine you offered to him. Why is he even here if he’s not gonna say anything at all, you thought. You continued staring and your mind incidentally wondered off to a better world.

You noticed the way he’d moan aloud everytime you touched a certain sensitive spot on his clavicle, that delightfully sexy bone. When mouth against mouth, you’d melt into his warm embrace, into that pair of arms that seemed to be ready to catch you whenever you ever fell. But what if you fell in love with him, would he catch you? His slightly ruffled soft brown hair, smooth as always, gleaming under that dim candle light. You’d sink your fingers into that sea of hair that usually covered part of his beautiful face. His eyes, tunnel straight to his soul, defined his personality, random and fun, the way you liked it. You shivered when his palm, as large as it may looked, warm and left that fuzzy feeling when removed it from the crook of your cheek.


Then, he took a painfully slow sip from the glass, leaving a smudge of vapour on the edge of the glass, swallowing the wine only after he rolled it to savour its taste. You ached in places you never knew existed as you watched that man tease you like this, or maybe he wasn’t but it sure did feel that way. You suddenly felt the need to be somewhere else, anywhere else. When he crossed his long legs and hugged onto that despicable pillow harder and whispered, ‘Cold.’ You never wanted to hug someone that much, out of love and also you wanted him to be warm and nice. Since you couldn’t, you moved your hands and hid them below your thighs, like a reassurance.

He slipped a hand under your shirt and made you gasp, a low throaty moan followed after. Your back arched instinctively, a natural reaction. You whimpered when his hands left you feeling cold air slapping against your skin. You opened your eyes to find him looking at you with such intensity that your skin burned. When he whispered the 3 words you longed to hear so much, you felt the world becoming colourful, you saw hope.


A year before. You were happily enjoying your school life. You attended the Film Club. You read Othello. You ate canteen food. You tripped and fell like everybody else but he was always there to catch you. You didn’t know why either. Books, teachers but mostly him after that. He was everywhere you went, he was all that you saw. You tried avoiding him because he had a girlfriend after all. Her name was Haneul. She was gorgeous, no other words. She always thought you were a pain in her neck when you didn’t even do anything. Apparently, you tried to steal him away. Yeah right. Would he ever choose you over her? No. Then you heard the sound of your own heart breaking.

You hid. When he came walking towards you, you turned back and scurried off to a small corner as you saw Haneul stopped him halfway and embraced him into an open-mouthed kiss. You slumped down against the wall and tried to shrink yourself to the smallest possible size. You put your head between your knees and tried to breathe without letting your tears of weakness to fall. Then, you felt someone settling next to you.

‘I broke up with her,’ he said.

‘WHY? You guys are like the perfect couple everybody envies,’ you exclaimed.

‘Including you?’

‘Well..’ Wait. Was he teasing? You raised your hand to hit him but his strong hand caught you and within seconds, his face and yours were merely a breath away. You looked away, out of embarrassment. Does he know that I like him?, you thought.

‘If you think any harder, you’d be talking,’ he whispered and then there was no more space left between you and him. You had always wondered how his lips would taste like so when you finally realized that you’re kissing, you smiled and you thought he felt it because then, he smiled too.

You were happy. You used to be.

One day, you found a letter on his desk. It was from Haneul and lots of little hearts on the envelope. You knew it was wrong but when driven by curiousity, you gave up trust. That was one mistake. After you read the letter, it wasn’t a mistake anymore. It saved you, from more pain.

‘What’s this letter for?’ you shook the letter vigorously in front of him. ‘WHY?’

He closed his eyes shut, as if weary of you. ‘You don’t trust me. Maybe we should take a break from each other for awhile.’

‘Fine.’ It wasn’t. It never was. Then he walked away and never looked back once. Later, you heard that it was because Haneul was sick. He blamed himself so he swore to look after her. After she died, he blamed himself even more. Nowadays, he was better though.

Not long after, he ended up on your red couch. Now. I didn’t know what he wanted. After that, he whispered once again, ‘I’m cold. Come here.’ You tucked your hands into your jacket pocket, to make sure you wouldn’t do anything humiliating. As stiffly as possible, you inched towards him and sat on that same red couch, knees touching. You decided that that was too close, just when you were about to move an inch away from him, he wrapped his strong arm around your shoulder and pulled you so you were lying directly on his chest.

‘Can you hear my heart beating? It’s beating for only you.’

You looked up at him and saw the sincerity in his eyes. You started to say something but the next thing you knew, he shut you up by smashing his lips to yours. You closed my eyes and savoured that kiss. Then, he pulled away.

‘You know a secret? Me, Heo Young Saeng, has always loved you.’

‘Why isn’t there any words amazing enough invented to describe you?’ you wondered aloud.

When he smiled, you were alive.

Labels: Fanfic, SS501, Young Saeng