It was raining
Sunday, September 11, 2011 // 0 comment(s)
There will be no me without you.
Nah, I'm only like this with you.
You told me that someone once told you that bad things usually happen when it's raining. You said that this was the main reason why you started hating rain. I never knew why until I realized how bad it would hurt every time it rained. How bad my heart twisted and turned, how it wouldn't let go of the shadow of you, how it clinged onto memory of you turning your back against me. How odd. You once said, it's us against the world. Now, it's only me, alone.
When you looked at me, I felt special. Like, I was the only one you saw. Past tense. All these things, all these feelings you gave me, I never realized how could all these turn into nothingness in just a few seconds after you utter those words that returned 'us' to two complete strangers. Even strangers wouldn't feel distance this far in between. What happened? Why didn't you hold onto what made us 'us'? Why did you give up? Why did you give up on me?
I'd teach you love. I'd teach you how to love..me.
When I looked into your eyes, I didn't actually feel anything at all. Just a long and dark tunnel. So dark that I was almost scared. You had no idea how much courage I needed to make that one move. You had no idea. You knew but you just crushed me like that in the end, along with my heart, my soul and left me hollow.
You said you liked the sky. You liked how it seems so big and wide. All the possibilities. From then on, I knew that every time I looked at the sky, I would think of you. That expression when you looked up and smiled at the sky. I didn't think of one point, if you liked the sky so much, if you were always looking up at the sky, how could I make you see me, even when I was just next to you?
Everybody knows you tried, everybody knows it's alright.
Lack of confidence. It was the lack of confidence that killed me. However, it seemed like more than that that was keeping you away from me. You just merely didn't like the real me. You wanted somebody nice and sweet. And that couldn't be me. I knew, but I rather let you hurt me, I rather let you, not anybody else.
You said things that touched me sometimes but I always denied because it showed my weekness and I hated that.
Conclusion: I hate when some things are too good to be true. These things make me doubt whether I deserve them or not. I always think, I'm not worthy. Please don't love me back.