Why do we run when we can fight?
Thursday, August 30, 2012 // 0 comment(s)

I'm not academically bright. 

Okay I suppose that didn't give the bam I thought it would because everybody knows that fact already.

I'm one lazy ass, I'm quite amazed at how much I procrastinate and do nothing and just refuse to do anything productive, at all. I can just sit for hours and literally do nothing of any significance. I'm a last-minute worker. If I have some assignment due tomorrow, I can't do it in the morning of the day before, I have to wait till night to rush. I don't even know why I'm like that. I just am. Sigh..

My chinese used to suck so bad because before kindergarten, I spoke English full time at home. My mum told me one day when she came to pick me up from school, I came running happily to her holding an exam paper. A chinese exam paper with a big fat 0 on it. Why am I so brilliant sometimes? But oddly, I grew to like chinese, a lot. Even when I transferred from chinese school to english school, I took chinese tuition classes. I even took chinese for PMR and SPM. Not bad huh? I got an A for PMR but a B+ for SPM. But people kept telling me it's considered as good because I didn't learn chinese in school, only the tuition classes once a week. Well, it's sort of true. I know I'm shameless haha.

Anyway, I have a significant amount of hatred towards my primary school, AMC. It's such a horrible place for children grow up in. The teachers are so mean and sarcastic to young kids. What is their problem? I used to stand up for my friends a lot when teachers started hitting them with red pens and when the teachers scolded them without valid reasons. Why am I so brave actually? They are freaking creepy okay. Once, I sprained my ankle so I wore my simplest sandals I had. When I limped into the school compound, the discipline teacher thought it'd be amusing to tease me by telling another girl, Eh look at her sandals, so exagerrated. I merely shot her a glance and sat down. Inside,Iwas boiling because those really were my simplest pair of sandals! What did she expect? We were all very intimidated by the teachers there. Freaking not approachable. Second of all, the people there. I had a few good friends but very few I still keep in touch with. My impression is that they don't know how to have fun. It's really boring and dead. We fussed over homeworks everyday in school. Teachers gave us at least 10 homeworks everyday. Once, we even had like 25. Wtf. And none of us protested. Do you see how scary these people are? I didn't enjoy the process there at all. The only thing I look forward to everyday is the early morning pong practice. And sports period.


Back to my point. I was always in the first class although my position in class was usually in the middle. I'm only an average student. I'm too lazy to do anything about it. But then I thought again, who said if I work hard I can be on top? I can't either, so why not chill and be average. I'm such a lousy student. But at least then I can have a life. However, towards the last 2 years of primary schooling, my results got better, my position got better.

One thing I regretted was that I couldn't join the training for table tennis state players. My coach chose me to join the training but dad said it'd interrupt my studies even more because I would study even less. If I knew that would happen, I would've studied harder earlier on just so I could join the training.

My parents then decided it's only optimum if I transferred from chinese school to english school. Best of both worlds. I regret nothing. I remember I didn't make a fuss about it, I don't know, it's just that I had no fond memories of that place so why not transfer?

I was at first very lost at MGS because I didn't know anybody. I had 2 not-very-close friends at that time who went with me, they too transferred from another school. But then I was arranged to be in the first class. And hell, that was one year I'd still miss. Our class was so close and inseparable. I enjoyed all the 5 years at MGS. The people I met are so much better. The teachers are so awesome and nice. They love us, we love them :)

I participated in sports, marching, class choir, class drama, pesta ria and quizzes. I miss those times to be honest, I miss my secondary school friends.

In secondary school, I was also always in the first class but my position was also always in the middle. My position occasionally increased a little bit but still, I was never even the top ten. I just couldn't bear the thought of having to study so hard just to get top 10. I didn't see the significance in doing that. Once again, my lousiness as a student is being emphasized lmao. It's quite amazing how I almost never studied but still can stay in the top class. Lucky bish.

I seriously only studied last minute for all the exams in my entire life before college. One night before. Why was I so chill and relaxed last time?

College. I did very bad for my first semester. I didn't study at all technically, not even for finals. I thought I did but when I thought again, I really didn't focus. I then tried to change my way of studying for the 2nd semester. I studied almost everyday and started studying for finals at least two weeks earlier. Everyone around me was so stressed up. So stress can be contagious haha. I would say I did quite well for the 2nd semester considering my level of intelligence, or lack thereof. Because even when I study, I'm not the all-stressed-up kind, I just study, really casually. So I can't hope for too much. I did okay for 3rd semester as well and managed to meet the requirement for MBBS.

See, I told you I'm always average. Just enough. Never the top brilliant genius in class. I just breeze past everything like a boss. Is this considered as lucky or what?

My housemate was saying, you're so different from other medic students. 

Because you never look stressed. Because you watch football. Because you watch Olympics. Because you're super into K-Pop. Because you go to concerts. Because you go out, quite often for a med student. Because you still keep up with gossips. Because you're not anti-social.

Well, I just feel like there's no point in only studying. I still do what I'm interested in while studying. I don't wanna waste away my uni life just like that. At least I try.

I did average again for my first EOC test.


That I gotta blame on myself. I just can't make myself to be like a recluse and be forever hiding somewhere studying my butt off. Like, only studying. No entertainment whatsoever. I just can't. It's super depressing. Especially when I know even if I really do that, I might not get good grades too. Well, there are people like that; they study really hard but their hard work don't pay off. It's inborn. Can't blame me. At least, I don't study too hard and get average grade. That's acceptable.

I hope I can be those super hardworking people and end up to be my class's genius :D


I shall go back to being just me. The average me.

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Instagram pictures from Raya holidays
Saturday, August 25, 2012 // 0 comment(s)

5 days of holiday for Raya. I don't know what I did to be honest. Just hanging around with family and friends. Enjoying home.

Glad that our friendship returned to normal. I am weird. Probably one of the few people who is happy when someone who likes me tells me he doesn't anymore, he hopes. This feels more natural, this feels good.

Don't say goodbye. I have only feelings left untold, only love unseen.

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Heart is only an organ.
Thursday, August 23, 2012 // 0 comment(s)

The sky, looked as if it was scattered with glitters. That was how the stars looked like. The moon, so shy, hidden behind the veil of clouds. Birds, moving, flapping their wings so eagerly, as if there's something chasing them. The street lamp, shimmering lightly, barely shining on the road. The sweet wrapper, surrounded by hundreds of tiny red ants. The poster of Michael Jackson, pasted on the wall, smiling, as if right at me. I remembered it all.

To the day we'll meet. To the end of this.

When you discover about something that will make you tighten inside, you had better try to learn more about it.

I cant get your smile out of my mind,
I think about your eyes all the time,
You're beautiful but you don't even try,
Modesty is just so hard to find.

Is it still considered as plagiarizing if it's from myself?


Farewell, birthdays and everything else.
Friday, August 17, 2012 // 0 comment(s)


We had our dinner at Thai Up in The Mines. In total, 27 of us. Most of us had the couple set of the same sex hahahaha. Nobody gives a shit plus it's cheaper and more worth it. We sat randomly and chatted randomly. We took tons of photos omg seriously. And there's a small section at the restaurant with awesome lighting and authentic background of bricks and framed photos :D Well, we took quite a lot of pictures there.

After saying some things for the farewell and birthday kids (lol), we moved to River Side for second round. Mainly because we needed a place for the cake-eating. Well, again, loads and loads of pictures! Seriously so damn many I cannot.. Lol.

Had a lot of fun with them people :D Awesome night with awesome people.

I posted a lot of pictures on my facebook. I'll just post a few here.

At the game arcade:

 Tat Kai. Jia Ling.
Sim Yang. Jia Ling.

At Thai Up:

 Wei Shan.
 Chiew Ling.
 Wei Shan. Jue Chuan. Jin Lun. Jessica.
 Chin Yeh. Jia Ling. Tat Kai. Valentine. Eik Hong.Sim Yang. Chuin Chi. Chin Guan.

Tat Kai. Chin Guan. Jessica.

At random place in The Mines:

 Qonstance. Jia Er. Eugene.
 With the pretty Qonstance. I specifically requested Chiew Ling to take a full-body shot of us because we were wearing dresses :D
Chin Guan. Zhen.

At River Side:

 Jia Ling.
 Jia Ling. Soo Ling.

 Sim Yang. Jia Ling. Soo Ling.
^ in fact the creepiest picture this century odg. 3-headed botak. Chin Guan. Chin Yeh. Tat Kai.

 Jia Ling. Zhen.
 Chuin Chi. Valentine. Jia Ling.
 Black swan.
 Random pic.

 Dress today :D

Going back to Ipoh tomorrow for Raya holiday yay!! 5 days. Gotta work hard and play hard. Toodles.

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Swirls of thoughts
Wednesday, August 15, 2012 // 0 comment(s)

Ochlophobia ("Fear of Unruly Mobs") and demophobia ("Fear of Crowds") are terms for types of social phobia or social anxiety disorder whose sufferers have a fear of crowds.
Ironically, it's inhumanity that makes all of us humans. It's a question I ponder upon everyday, why do humans need each other? Why do we cling on each other as if our lives depended on these friendships? Even the apparent bad people? How do we judge who is bad and who is good? Who set all these rules? Maybe we're just manipulated into doing things we do, maybe we're just puzzle pieces, chess pieces, broken pieces of each other.

A lot of statements are meant for people to merely believe in, nothing is proven. Just a comfort to many lost souls. We believe in what we think is the easiest, sometimes, we just accidentally on purpose forget to be curious, forget to ask, forget to find out about a lot of things that we don't have control in. Because it's easier that way. It's easier to follow what others believe in, it's just easier to stop questioning at some point.

Agoraphobia- abnormal fear of being helpless in a situation from which escape may be difficult or embarrassing that is characterized initially often by panic or anticipatory anxiety and finally by avoidance of open or public places.

Spaces scare me a lot. In a way. Spaces make you feel so bare and naked. As if when you're surrounded by endless of space, you're just standing there, waiting for someone in hiding to do something. Anything aimed for the exposed you. Will anyone save me? Am I on my own? Facing this infinite possibilities and chances I make for myself. Is this considered as paranoia? Probably it's all the unnecessary overthinking.

If I can't do crowds and open spaces, where do I go? 


Insert relevant title
Friday, August 10, 2012 // 0 comment(s)

Because I just can't be relevant anymore. What is life.

 Some formal wear. Yea it really looks this dull in our class. Mostly blacks and whites and greys.

Random pictures of me looking very happy with a bowl of honeydew sago :D

Before going out for karaoke and movie session with them classmates.


AND WE WATCHED STEP UP REVOLUTION! It is one amazing movie. The plot is kinda predictable, you know how things will turn out. But it doesn't matter because the main points are the dances! This Step Up probably has the most oomph in all their dances. Spoilers alert.

Since they're called The Mob. So it's mostly flash mobs at random places. So many people yet so synchronized like how the hell. Love! The sound effects super good, we all get excited when watching them dance but even when we squeal out loud, nobody can actually hear us because the music from the movie is really that real. The satisfaction after the movie. The sudden hollow feeling after a great movie.

those who can hurt me are those whom I love.

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