Christmas eve.
Monday, December 24, 2012 // 0 comment(s)

Christmas doesn't hold any significance to me but seeing how everybody else is out with their friends and family, all dressed up for the occasion, being carefree and maybe, merely happy that they're not lonely, I feel a little empty.

Even my own family is eating out somewhere, probably just laughing at every small joke there is, gossiping about people, talking about random silly things. Usually mum, the sister and brother will stop eating once they're full, then dad will be pause after gobbling down the remaining dishes for some time to realise that everyone has stopped eating. He'll then be nagging in a cute way saying how everyone doesn't eat at all and make him eat everything, causing him to have indigestion later for sure. After dinner, they'd probably go for a drive around Ipoh. I'm imagining there'll be Christmas decorations around town, all ready for tomorrow. Clubs and restaurants everywhere will surely be full for everyone is taking this chance for all family members to gather around and have a good meal together.

I thought of painting my nails just for Christmas but, what for? No one is gonna see it anyway, no one is here around me anyway.

Merry Christmas

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Tuesday, December 11, 2012 // 0 comment(s)

People don't like opinionated people. Opinionated people don't like neutral people. Neutral people like everyone but secretly dislike opinionated people because they are too damn cowardly to express any sort of opinions at all for fear that people will actually notice them and dislike them. Gasp. Grow a pair and accept opinions. Not to say you have to accept them but just try to understand.

I know I've been told that I don't accept others' opinions and I think so too, now that somebody is so kind to remind me that only after I got bitched about that since god-knows-when. I'd really appreciate it if people are just more straightforward in things like that. I really don't mind. You don't see me hating all of you for doing this to me, do you? Because I just wanna prove that I'm the bigger man (or woman, not like it matters).

I deserve to get my mouth blasted off by a reverse bear trap. That'd be the only way you can shut me up. Or not. Because I can still type. 


It was raining happiness
Wednesday, December 5, 2012 // 0 comment(s)

JAY CHOU'S NEW SONGS OUT ON HITFM TODAY. Only 2 though. In first lecture today I was so restless and I was fidgeting the whole time because I couldn't wait for classes to end to listen to the audios of the songs omg. So I immediately went to a corner outside my lecture room and almost cried listening to the songs. So damn touching! Can't stop replaying them till now. Also happy that Jaysian tlist are as excited about his songs as I am :D

On a side note, it's been sometime since I actually walked under the rain like I just did. Usually I'm just pissed off if I ever had to do that especially when I'm in a hurry to go to classes or anywhere else. But without pressure of having to do anything afterwards, I actually enjoyed the brisk walk at the night market just now when it was raining.

I was happy, briefly.

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She will be loved?
Saturday, December 1, 2012 // 0 comment(s)

Not blaming the rain but maybe it did contribute to how moody I felt today. Lips too heavy to part and form useless words for daily conversations that I used to hate. Facial muscles too lazy to even form the slightest of smiles.

Things have been very confusing for me, so naturally I do my thing. Which is to cancel everything out and just ignore. I just choose to feel numb towards the particular issues so I don't have to feel. I find that I can't handle complicated feelings too much.

When I'm actually happy, I'd feel guilty because somehow I just feel like I don't deserve to be. I'd try all my best so that happiness won't be mine, at least temporarily. W h y? Why do I do this to myself? Do I really not deserve to be happy? Actually, yes I don't.

If you find me sigh every too often (which I myself won't ever notice and I'd deny it when you mention it to me), it probably means I have no idea what shit I'm feeling and am just feeling lost like a freaking lamb. That lump behind your throat when you wanna cry but you don't know what for. The need to just listen to sad songs so I'd have a reason as to why I'm feeling down. I try to make things simple but unfortunately, nothing goes my way. Or maybe I'm just an ungrateful bitch.

I'm sorry.