Well, hang on, be strong.
Friday, September 28, 2012 // 0 comment(s)

#nowplaying Be Strong - Delta Goodrem

Let it go with the wind, 
time passes us by,
and know that you're allowed to cry.

Life is short, we all know that. I have this odd feeling. It's this feeling I can't grasp that I'm worried about my whole perspective on death.

My brother's schoolmate, Yoon Seck Seong, who was 15 this year, lost a battle to leukemia after about a year and a half. He passed away today.

When I heard about this, at first I thought about all the things he had yet the chance to experience, all the things he hadn't gotten the chance to learn, all the people he hadn't met and all the sunrises he would never see again. On a second thought, he was suffering so much throughout therapies and treatments, it's best if he'd passed away peacefully like how he did. Then I started thinking about how much pain his family members must be feeling right now. No amount of 'I'm sorry' and 'Condolences' will ever be enough to patch up that empty hole at which the broken pieces their son or brother brought along with him when he passed away. I wonder how long will it take for them to live normally again. I also wonder will they ever smile and mean it anymore.

From what I've seen, yes, people will eventually be fine but it just never will be the same.

'Cause when you're in you're darkest hour, 
and all of the light just fades away,
when you're like a single flower whose colours have turned to shades of gray, 
well, hang on and be strong. 

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I'm born to try.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012 // 0 comment(s)

Year 1 Sem 1 Block 2 ended. Time is really flying. Done with EOC 2 and I'm guessing the results are out, just that no one who is at Sg Long bothers to go check it out. Well, okay fine whatever. It's best I don't know my result first. I'm freaking out but I hope I did fine. 

After my OSPE paper on 2nd day of exams, we're done with EOC 2 and went to Midvalley for some celebration. Splitted into a few groups though. Don't even know why we waited for everyone to come if we're gonna split into cliques as usual. My usual bunch of lunch mates went for karaoke at Redbox. Some went for lunch and movie. Some went and celebrate their friend's birthday. Okayyyy. 

So I was in the room with all the emo guys. Okay. As usual, I only sing the loudest when it's Jay Chou's songs hehehe.

At about 6pm, I left Midvalley and went for Maroon 5's concert! Adam Levine is so good live! He's just casually wearing a t-shirt and jeans, rolling his sleeves up and down which I don't mind because BICEPS. We were at the seated zone but who the fuq cares about chairs and aching legs when you have Maroon 5 live. I would've been jumping more if I wasn't wearing stupid sandals >:( Anyways, they sang all my favourite songs and even some covers! Love!

And this is Adrian.

Went back home to Ipoh the next day and of course, painted my nails. Pastel pink with glitters this time :)

Also, highlighted my virgin hair with red/maroon colour which will apparently fade to brown.

And then proceed to spend the next few days taking pictures of myself. 

Brother took this.

Captioned this one below: Happy feet.

First group of people I met up with: Seng Hoo and Mel. As usual hahah. Went for movie, Bait at Aeon. Had Starbucks and shopped at Cotton On for awhile. Then we went to Michelangelo's for dinner. FINALLY MANG. We usually don't get a table there because we're always too late.

Today, met up with Mel (again lmao) and Teoh. Went to Scotch for lunch and didn't really expect to gossip so damn much wtf. Win.

Oh yeah, also tagged along my parents to the clinic every morning to listen in when my dad sees his patients :D

Happy holidays!

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This isn't over.
Friday, September 14, 2012 // 0 comment(s)

I wonder exactly when I'll finally let go, let go of that invisible string of useless thoughts that are obviously pulling me down and hindering me from being normal. Tired of the questions, tired of trying to avoid unnecessary scrutinizing from others who are just trying to find something odd enough to talk about. Suddenly I understand why I keep to myself and why others don't really dare to ask me personal stuff anymore. Am I that obvious?

I constantly ask the question why to every possibility there is. Why me? Why not me?

I gave up on the world, as it did me.


When I find out unicorns aren't real
Tuesday, September 11, 2012 // 0 comment(s)

EOC 2 is next week. I barely even studied anything. I finished revising for 2 subjects already but after a conversation on the phone with my dad, I realize I don't even know a thing. I was crying but he didn't know. Everything he mentioned, I know it but I just am not clear about it. I don't know whether it's my lecturers' fault or mine. It's most probably the latter. I mean, if everyone else can do well but me, it surely is my own problem. I'm too stupid for this course. My brain doesn't and refuses to work anymore.

No matter how much I study, I cannot remember anything. I cannot understand anything. I knew I wasn't going to survive this course. I just didn't think I'd lose so early into the battle. How is it that I study so much (for my standard) yet not know anything?

Please give me a chance, please.


Not me, Not I
Friday, September 7, 2012 // 0 comment(s)

Your personality tendencies in a nutshell...
You enjoy making plans and commitments but you sometimes don't follow through. You are curious about many different things and highly value artistic expressions and ingenious thoughts. You are calm and logical for the most part, but some things worry you more than others. You can be critical at times, but you are supportive to most people. You live a quiet life and are reserved in your actions and behaviors.

YouJustGetMe.com's guest psychologist Dr. Peggy has a little more, uh, informalinterpretation of your traits... 

About those "Casual" and "Disciplined" bubbles... Conscientiousness is not one of your defining traits, meaning that you are neither anal retentive nor anal expulsive. What does that mean? In a nutshell, you keep it together fairly well, but you do not suffer too much if you let things fall through the cracks every once in a while. If you make plans with a friend, chances are good that you will show up at the designated time. Then again, something better may come up or you just might forget. Either way, you're good. Another possibility is that you are very conscientious about some things, but more relaxed about other things. For example, you might demand the utmost rigor and discipline in your scholarly/work life, but keep your home looking like a garage sale gone terribly awry, with various articles of clothing and personal belonging strewn about. Where's Fido? Hopefully he hasn't been eaten by the alien life that has developed since the last cleaning.

About that "Abstract" bubble... You are intellectually curious, imaginative, and literary. I do believe the technical term is "artsy fartsy." When reading poetry, the images may move you until you quiver with delight, or perhaps quivering from all of the espresso that you've been drinking. Speaking of caffeine, it would not be a big surprise if you indulged in other substances to heighten your senses. After all, whoever heard of creative geniuses who were sober? Freud was a coke-head, Hemingway was a fall-down drunk, and Robert Johnson supposedly sold his soul to the devil, probably while high on wacky tabacky. You have quite the active fantasy life and are often in la la land, earning you the well-deserved nickname "space cadet" from your loved ones. Mostly, you're a lot of fun to hang out with because you're always game for whatever idea your non-medicated (but should be) friend has in mind. The next time someone suggests that you streak naked in the dead of winter, do think twice, or at least wear some mittens.

About those "Unemotional" and "Neurotic" bubbles... To quote the Hershey chocolate company, "sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't." That pretty much sums up your score on the trait of emotional stability. There are times when you feel such intensity of emotions, mostly negative, that you just want to lie down and spend the day thinking about how you can score Prozac. In other contexts (like when you are on your meds), you feel just fine - calm, happy, ready to face the day. The emotions cancel each other out and you look like you are dealing with life fairly well statistically. Another possibility for your middle scores on emotional stability is that some things push your button more than others and when your buttons get pushed, you stress and freak. What's that I hear? Is that your mom calling? For the most part though, you are the epitome of grace under pressure.

About those "Competitive" and "Cooperative" bubbles... You're not exactly a people-person, but you're not exactly a curmudgeon either. While agreeable people tend to care a lot about others' problems and competitive people might use others' disadvantages to their advantage, you are the kind of person to care, but not overly much. Sure, you want to make people feel comfortable with you, but wouldn't knock yourself out to do so. You are likely to tell people what you think even if those beliefs are unpopular, but you do try to relay your thoughts in a relatively caring way. You may show more compassion for people if it just so happens that the situation strikes you the right way and speaks to your personal experiences.

About that "Introverted" bubble... Do you have difficulty remembering what your voice sounds like sometimes because you rarely ever use it? Do you talk to people at parties, or are you too busy hiding in a corner? Has anyone ever filed a missing persons report on you just to find you days later in the basement playing your one millionth game of solitaire? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may be what psychologists call introverted. Introverted people can mostly be found among librarians, scientists, and any other professions where an individual would never have to interact with another human being, ever. In fact, the prospect of having to deal with people may give you hives. What do you know, introverts, you may have a medical condition. You tend to be a hesitant person and have to mull things over for days, weeks, and even years before you act on whatever idea you have. If you wait too long though, opportunity might just slip away and you'll never know what could have been. On the bright side, introverts are typically geniuses, mad geniuses with crazy hair, but geniuses nonetheless.

A random photo of us PBL group 2 :D

Joanne Lyn told me: you deserve love, no matter the cards you were dealt.


before I close the chapter to your name

Purple dress I wore to class sometime last week.

On the way for badminton with 23 classmates odg
satay kajang with the family last week

dad. me. sis. in my condo :3
3 of us

with sis at Ah Tuan Ee's Place

not-so-candid shot by sis at Esquire Kitchen haha
Family shot at Tong Pak Fu

two weeks, where will I be? what will I be?

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Happy 4th anniversary, 2PM!
Tuesday, September 4, 2012 // 0 comment(s)

I've been a Hottest for about 3 years and a half now. I've been through multiple comebacks and 3 anniversaries but before I met this awesome bunch of Hottests on twitter, I felt like I'm in this fandom alone because obviously no one in real life is a Hottest and with no one to spazz and analyze things about oppars, I felt alone. However, things have changed and I'm very very contented that I'm in this amazing fandom with amazing oppars and amazing bunch of Hottests.

Anyways, once I was a self-proclaimed Hottest, the controversy happened. Yes, I was around for that incident. I'm not gonna relive that period of time because it's so heartbreaking for 2PM members themselves and also Hottests. It's so sad to see our leadja, Jay leaving 2PM like this, yet still so supporting of 2PM the whole time. And when during the next award show, 2PM members just broke down and cried and dedicated their award to their once leadja. Tbh, when they cry, I cry as well. Yes I'm this emotional when it comes to 2PM (and Jay Chou as well hehe). I cried like ten million times alone from 12am to 1am while trying to trend #4HOTTESTyearswith2PM. I saw pictures, I watched old videos, I read the members' tweets and especially when Khun tweeted, I bawled like it's the end of the world.

All these incidents: Jay's controversy, Junsu's dad passing away, Taec getting injured and Khun's accident. Also, when the members were ill throughout these 4 years. 

The first comeback I've seen of 2PM is Heartbeat & Again and Again. I remembered waiting in front of Music Bank every Friday like a faithful Hottest even though during that time I used to nap in the afternoon or when I had to go somewhere, I would at least record their performances and repeat them again and again. They were very known because of their beastly looks. Only a real Hottest who watched all their variety shows and who knew them as they are, knows that these 7 boys are actually still young teens and are in fact dorks. They each have different personalities that make fans go crazy all around the globe. They are my inspiration to continue working hard and strive, remember "so we don't stop, we can't stop, until we reach the top"?

Wooyoung. Fake maknae and dancing machine. You'll always be my bias, first and forever. You're my squishy yerrow baby in a hoodie who has a soft spot for chicks (literally). Your voice is the main reason why you're my bias at first and then it's not that simple anymore, your flexible body that never fails to amaze me, how you don't mind doing weird funny stuff to entertain other people, how you always look so awkward and disinterested at everything (exactly like me :D), how you take care of other members when in need and also how you are so considerate about thinking for other members before accepting the offer to release your solo album because you thought you weren't good enough. Woodong ah, you are good enough, you are perfect to me. Don't change, stay the way you are. I love you.

Junsu. The vocalist, oppar daegu style. You are constantly ruining my bias list tbh. I find myself sometimes getting carried away and cannot stop reblogging your pictures while being mesmerized the whole time! What are you, Kim Junsu? You know how to have fun while working. You somehow have the ability to attract people's attention. Your voice, your passion, your talent. It's heartbreaking to have you go through your dad's passing without being there, it just breaks me to see you cry. The song you composed for him, he'll hear it, he will. You always seem so happy but somewhere in me, I can feel how sad you are inside, how much you long to break down and cry every time you're reminded of your abeoji. It breaks me.

Taecyeon. Hulk, okcat, okperfection, oktroll. Oppar, you're everything a girl looks for. You are so big physically but when you cry, you cry like a baby. I unconsciously just wanna pat you on the head and hug you and wipe away your tears and tell you everything is going to be okay. You have so much fun in you. You're always so bubbly and happy behind the camera, however you will switch to your professional mode when you're working. I admire that so much about you. When you got injured because of an arm-wrestling game, I was so worried about you! I mean, it must be serious if Hulk gets hurt right? xD But when I saw you performing with a sling on, I knew you're fine. I knew you didn't want us to worry. Okpar, be strong always and take care of the other 'kids' ok?

Junho. Little Rain. That's what everyone calls him when he used to be on Star Golden Bell. He looks so much like Rain when I first see him! Their 'smiling eyes' especially. I love Junho's smile! I used to watch Dream Team only for him (and Minho tbh). He's so serious in everything he does. He tries his best. He gives his best. He tries so hard to be strong for everyone, but inside, he still needs his members to be there for him. Junho-ya, stay healthy and do you know you're amazing?

Nichkhun. Did you like, walk out a comic? How are you so perfect-looking and how do you have such a beautiful personality? It must be hard for you to start from the bottom. To learn singing and dancing and speaking in korean, when you've just came from another country. You're humble, kind and just a very nice person. You have such an angelic face to match with that beastly body. You've came so far, please don't blame yourself for this recent accident. Come back once you're ready to face the world because we'll be right in front of you, we'll be protecting you. Haters will always be around, you just have to overlook them sometimes. You are perfect just the way you are, stay strong, Khun.

Chansung. The maknae. Him who loves bananas and loves working out and loves writing longass essays on twitter. Oh yes this reminds me that he hasn't tweeted about 4th anniversary yet, 그남자!! He is just a pure kind soul. I still remember at the concert, when he started playing with those nunchucks, I thought, he has grown so much, he is so fine~ Bb, I love you.

4 years and still counting. 4th September will always be a special date to me and the other Hottests around the world. 2PM, we'll not stop until you reach the top! Please have a korean comeback soon! Nichkhun, please come back. Thanks for everything. Thanks for giving us awesome 4 years. Thanks for being strong and healthy. Thank you.


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