Christmas doesn't hold any significance to me but seeing how everybody else is out with their friends and family, all dressed up for the occasion, being carefree and maybe, merely happy that they're not lonely, I feel a little empty.

Even my own family is eating out somewhere, probably just laughing at every small joke there is, gossiping about people, talking about random silly things. Usually mum, the sister and brother will stop eating once they're full, then dad will be pause after gobbling down the remaining dishes for some time to realise that everyone has stopped eating. He'll then be nagging in a cute way saying how everyone doesn't eat at all and make him eat everything, causing him to have indigestion later for sure. After dinner, they'd probably go for a drive around Ipoh. I'm imagining there'll be Christmas decorations around town, all ready for tomorrow. Clubs and restaurants everywhere will surely be full for everyone is taking this chance for all family members to gather around and have a good meal together.

I thought of painting my nails just for Christmas but, what for? No one is gonna see it anyway, no one is here around me anyway.

Labels: Celebrations, Random thoughts

People don't like opinionated people. Opinionated people don't like neutral people. Neutral people like everyone but secretly dislike opinionated people because they are too damn cowardly to express any sort of opinions at all for fear that people will actually notice them and dislike them. Gasp. Grow a pair and accept opinions. Not to say you have to accept them but just try to understand.

I know I've been told that I don't accept others' opinions and I think so too, now that somebody is so kind to remind me that only after I got bitched about that since god-knows-when. I'd really appreciate it if people are just more straightforward in things like that. I really don't mind. You don't see me hating all of you for doing this to me, do you? Because I just wanna prove that I'm the bigger man (or woman, not like it matters).

I deserve to get my mouth blasted off by a reverse bear trap. That'd be the only way you can shut me up. Or not. Because I can still type. 

Labels: Daily rant

JAY CHOU'S NEW SONGS OUT ON HITFM TODAY. Only 2 though. In first lecture today I was so restless and I was fidgeting the whole time because I couldn't wait for classes to end to listen to the audios of the songs omg. So I immediately went to a corner outside my lecture room and almost cried listening to the songs. So damn touching! Can't stop replaying them till now. Also happy that Jaysian tlist are as excited about his songs as I am :D







On a side note, it's been sometime since I actually walked under the rain like I just did. Usually I'm just pissed off if I ever had to do that especially when I'm in a hurry to go to classes or anywhere else. But without pressure of having to do anything afterwards, I actually enjoyed the brisk walk at the night market just now when it was raining.

I was happy, briefly.

Labels: Daily life, Jay Chou, Random thoughts

Not blaming the rain but maybe it did contribute to how moody I felt today. Lips too heavy to part and form useless words for daily conversations that I used to hate. Facial muscles too lazy to even form the slightest of smiles.

Things have been very confusing for me, so naturally I do my thing. Which is to cancel everything out and just ignore. I just choose to feel numb towards the particular issues so I don't have to feel. I find that I can't handle complicated feelings too much.

When I'm actually happy, I'd feel guilty because somehow I just feel like I don't deserve to be. I'd try all my best so that happiness won't be mine, at least temporarily. W h y? Why do I do this to myself? Do I really not deserve to be happy? Actually, yes I don't.

If you find me sigh every too often (which I myself won't ever notice and I'd deny it when you mention it to me), it probably means I have no idea what shit I'm feeling and am just feeling lost like a freaking lamb. That lump behind your throat when you wanna cry but you don't know what for. The need to just listen to sad songs so I'd have a reason as to why I'm feeling down. I try to make things simple but unfortunately, nothing goes my way. Or maybe I'm just an ungrateful bitch.

I'm sorry.

Labels: Daily rant

Labels: Daily life

"You're different now. It's like, you become more matured."

Life taught me one thing: you hope for too much, you expect too much, you get disappointed as much. I used to believe in promises once upon a time. I used to believe everything people tell me. But that one time, I got behind the scenes and had my chance to look how people plot their thoughts and how they portray their lies, I got scared, I got disgusted and then I became the same. Because if I don't, how will I understand and see through these people? Because if I don't, I'll be lied to countless of times without even knowing it. This kind of explains why now when anyone promises me anything at all, I'd just smile and look at them skeptically and conveniently forget whatever that are promised to me. It's better, in my opinion. If the promises are not broken, then I'd be happily surprised. But if they are broken, I won't even know. I admit I can be deluded and I want to be. I lie to myself a lot and it works. So why the hell not?

I lie that I don't feel sad, I lie that I don't have emotions, I lie that I'm okay, I lie that everything doesn't matter, I lie a lot. I lie so much that even I believe myself and I successfully put myself in the numb state so I don't feel anything. This is the truth. I'm not lying this time round. I literally won't feel anything sometimes when I don't want to, as long as I don't talk or think about it. This is also why most of the time, I don't talk about personal things or feelings, if anyone noticed at all. I don't immediately expect everyone to be who I think of them to be anymore, instead I try to hold onto the things they've said, only if they mean it. If you can't even try to not break promises, then I'm sorry, this is when you officially lose that 10% trust I have in you. Not like this is a big deal, I won't hate you, I just won't trust you. To me it's nothing but it seems like trusting each other is a huge deal to everyone else, so it's more to your loss than mine. That is all I wanna say.






This is Minjun(initially Junsu). His chok face during a Heartbeat perf yesterday.


And how I love this man. Even with his too-high spiky hair <3 p="p">

Labels: 2pm, Daily life, Pic Spam

                       

All the generally white pictures.

I really need to buck up in my studies. I should try to stay focused. But I'm afraid I'll use up my quota of 'hardworkingness' like how I did last block.

也许过去已经散落 只好独自重新来过

Labels: Daily rant, Pic Spam

I've always been amazed at how much people gossip. And also at the amount of people who dare to hate but don't have the guts to admit it.

It freaks me out to know that people can be so vicious with the things they say and do just to put down others and probably make them feel good about themselves in the process. It's not like this is odd, it's the norm. I'm not an angel either, yes I do talk about others too but at least what I say will only be the truth. At least I'll give them a piece of my mind subtly upfront before I will actually gossip about it. Because isn't it scary when an apparent friend who is the nicest person to you yet that said friend is also the one most malicious with words to make you look bad behind your back?

One thing I need to clarify, even sometimes when I really dislike a person, I will never ever create false rumours to make everyone else hate that person. I will never try to influence others to dislike the person I dislike. That's downright low. Usually when my friends gossip about other people and try to make me dislike the individual, I will never fall for that. I'd at least prove truth in the gossips before actually making my own opinion about someone.

But well, when people only wanna see the bad points in you, you have no choice but to be misunderstood all the way without even given the chance to explain yourself. I really don't mind if you hate me for me, but if you hate me for what others say about me, then I'm not sure you're just naive or whatnot.

We used to play a game where we line up in a row. The first person will whisper a statement to the second person. And this continues to the last person and that last person is supposed to announce out loud what he hears. How often does the last statement turn out to be the exact same statement as the initial one? It most probably will never be the same. Does everybody not understand the concept of gossips? You listen, you judge, that's all. That's alright but when after judging, you change the story, you twist words and spread the gossips, then you should be judged. You should be judged for being eager to spread fake rumours, for being too desperate to win friends over using gossips, also for being too damn pathetic.

Although not everyone can do this, but seriously, freakin keep a secret if it's meant to be a secret. I can do this, why can't anybody else? Desperate for friends? Desperate for attention? Then sorry to say, you won't be trusted with any secrets anymore, no matter how curious you are. Also, people, be careful of those who say they can keep secrets but in actual fact, they can't shut their damn mouth.

Actually, I'm not even angry at people who can't keep secrets because I've never really told any secrets to anybody. I'm just overwhelmed with some people's ability to twist such a neutral statement from me and make it sound really really bad. I really am amazed.

Bitch, you win, because I can never be half as hypocritical as you. & I'm proud of that :)

Note: To be honest, this whole blog post except the last statement isn't solely based on what happened to me recently. More like I finally have the opportunity to express my accumulated disgust after this incident. So, sensitive people, please don't feel like every freakin thing I  say is directed to you as if you're that important. Cheers.
One thing that has been bugging me a lot lately is people who have been posting statuses and tweets about their monthsaries.

THERE'S A REASON THERE'S A RED LINE BENEATH THE WORD 'MONTHSARIES' AS I TYPE BECAUSE THIS WORD DOESN'T EXIST. AND THERE'S A REASON FOR THAT.

Well, it's most probably because relationships nowadays can't get past the one-year mark to celebrate an actual anniversary. These people, who are so desperate to celebrate something and waste money, need to celebrate monthsaries. It's so annoying when all these young people celebrate monthsaries or even weeksaries (I don't want to live on this planet anymore) and spend so damn much money on gifts. If you're actually working and stuff then I will shut the hell up. But you're using your parents' hard-earned money to buy Guess bags for your girlfriends and Rolex for your boyfriends. Not legit at all to be honest. Why would your parents wanna earn so much money for you to constantly spend on someone who will eventually break up with you? I'm not mean with the last statement because it does happen. Relationships nowadays just don't last long. Even if they do, one side will just eventually give up and leave the other heartbroken and shit.

And a bish who 'terasa' actually unfollowed me on twitter because I expressed about my annoyance on this issue right after she tweeted, Happy 3rd monthsary, baby!

I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF WITH PEOPLE ON WHATSAPP HAHA.

Immature bunch of people, well, good luck with all your relationships if you have that mindset to just fool around.

Which leads to another issue that annoys me.

You have the mindset that relationships won't last long and just simply jump into one immediately and when you keep wanting to change partners, of course you will experience break-ups constantly. What did you expect?

I hate it when people like this deserve what they get yet they don't think so, so they're always on facebook and twitter wallowing about their sad life and constantly do self-pity.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUQ.

Also, don't act like you're the one person in the world with problems, as if other people lead perfectly happy lives. People die every day, you're just experiencing a break-up, which everyone else does too. I know you're sad but stop making as though you're the only one feeling sad and all. Of course you can be upset but don't go round complaining everyday and everywhere that you don't deserve this break-up because you're this one perfect person nobody should fall out of love with you. Think that maybe you did something wrong, maybe you did wrong somewhere too. Don't be so pathetic. Have some pride.

You brought it upon yourself because those who are always breaking up and always pitying themselves, are usually those cheap guys/girls. You sleep around and go with any guy who shows interest in you even though you don't back, of course there'll be problems when you're actually together. We all outsiders can see that but of course these cheapos can't foresee their future. The irony. If I'm them, I'd be expecting break-ups after about few weeks because yes, these people really do deserve shits that happen to them.

Maybe I shouldn't rant and bitch so much about people.

Live life and laugh out loud :)

Labels: Daily rant