Things change. 


People change. 


Kind of unbelievable when it's in such a short time.


But I'll try to accept these. 


I'll try.

Labels: Daily rant, Random thoughts

One week to finals. I don't even know how I will cope. Even though my coursework is very much improved compared to last sem's coursework. I still hope that I won't screw up my finals like how I did last sem. This is so much stress. I have never ever felt stress before this whole foundation thing. Okay maybe once when I broke down one night during trials before chemistry paper while studying the salt chapter. And that is the result of last minute studying. Last minute doesn't really work in tertiary education. So yeah I'm kind of a better student compared to before. Anyway, gonna be really busy cramming all the stuff into my pea-sized brain for the next one week. God, please give me strength and determination.

Ok so these are random pictures from the past week.

Labels: Daily life, Daily rant

Labels: Pic Spam, Random thoughts

1. Voices that sound like heaven. I dig guys who can sing. It's obvious since my fav ever singer is Jay Chou and my K-Pop biases are usually the lead singers in the particular boyband. I just love music so much that I like people who can sing.

2. How love can affect a person so much. I'm always amazed at how people change for love and how people get motivation from love. But maybe because I've never had a chance to experience this.


3. Hardworking people. I just cannot ever find determination to be hardworking. I just can't, even after forcing myself. I'm a failure I know.

**

I dreamt of going for 2PM's concert, again. This time, I sat at the concert hall so long but nobody showed up. Not even a single person. Then someone asked me to go somewhere else but I said I had to wait for 2PM. Suddenly I remembered something. The concert was in December but that time was only November. I cried. 


This probably reflects my life in some way.

Labels: Dream, Random thoughts

Okay I seriously think I need to clarify things a little bit. It's about why I use 'wtf' so much and why I use it all the time and randomly even. Last night a friend who doesn't know me well complained that I shouldn't use 'wtf' at all because then I'm like a man, a rude man wtf. Okay la fine I admit I'm a man with short hair and uses 'wtf'. I don't even know what is wrong with this world anymore. Then this morning my mum texted me and suddenly she said 'btw don't use 'wtf' because it's not lady-like'. Like, wtf?

Before I say anything, go read THIS because I'm using 'wtf' in a similar way as she does.

Now.. Listen to me explain.

I don't say 'wtf' and mean it like literally 'what the f***'. Lol I mean, 'wtf' is the short form of 'what the f***' I know but I just don't think of it as that. If you realise, I use 'wtf' after any sentence that sounds ridiculous and doesn't make sense. I also use 'wtf' as in in a very zhadou and pek chek way. Like, an absurd sentence: I fell down today wtf. 

So, understand my point of view now?

Besides, I don't even say 'wtf' as in 'what the f***' in real life. I have no real life anyway #foreveralone. I only say 'wtf' on the internet if anyone realised at all. I only say 'wtf' on the internet to make people understand that I'm very zhadou. In real life, I don't have to say 'wtf' cuz I can just show whatever I mean using emotions right? You see my face, you will absolutely know I think that a certain something is ridiculous.

People who don't know me well (including my own mum wtf lol) will think that I'm using it in a rude way but wtf I don't use 'wtf' when I'm actually scolding people because it's just uncool to scold people with foul words. I'm just using 'wtf' when it comes to things that don't make sense. Gah I'm so tired of explaining. I should've just let people misunderstand me from the beginning. Because I'm just used to people judging me.

I'm a tomboy because I have short hair.
I'm dumb because my results are not as good as yours.
I'm mean because I look cool.

I'M BORN WITH THIS MEAN LOOK OKAY. AND I'M BORN WITH NO BRAINS. AND MY PARENTS CONTROL THE FATE OF MY HAIR, THEY WANT ME TO CUT IT BECAUSE IT LOOKS BETTER, SO I CUT IT, THEY HAVE BETTER TASTE IN HAIR ANYWAY. NO QUESTIONS ASKED.

Wtf man I give up. If you understand, you understand. If you don't, get out of my life. If you don't wanna understand, yeah join the people who are so dumb that they can't understand. I'm tired.

Labels: Daily rant, My opinion

A sudden emptiness I feel somewhere deep inside me. As if there's a hole that nobody and nothing can ever fill. I don't know who and what caused these scars but they're never gonna disappear. It's carved onto me, it's carved permanently and affecting me more than I will ever admit. I don't know how to deal with emotional feelings because I just don't like the thought of exposing my feelings, even to myself. I feel naked somehow. I think this is why I prefer to be emotionless and expressionless. This way, nobody can hurt me. This way, nobody knows they hurt me. This way, I don't have to let anyone know that I hurt alone everyday, that deep inside me, I actually feel the hurt. I just won't admit it up front. I'm trying to be stronger than how I am. I'm trying to be as strong as how I look. I'm trying to be too strong for my own good. It doesn't matter in the end, because nobody cares enough to ask. Nobody understands. This is why I don't tell anyone anything, because people judge. I don't need anymore judgmental people who think they're so great they can understand and give me advice. I really don't need anymore nonsense in my life. I'm already too screwed up. I just.. I think I wanna be alone forever. This way, I can hide within myself forever.

Where is the someone who can love me for my flaws, understands me emotionally, accompanies me throughout my journey and someone who is proud to have me? Do I have to wait forever?

Labels: Daily rant, Random thoughts

I have so many things on my mind that I cannot blog about! Omg wtf is this blog even for? /resorts to private blog nobody knows about, which everyone does now/ #okayguy.jpg

Alas! Tests and assignments are over and done for! Okay, except for ECS sketch. Omg I don't even know how we're gonna survive through the sketch. We're so not ready fml. Gah I just don't know how much more I need to be in charge of something that is not only of my business but it just seems like nobody really cares. I don't know, I'm not saying that my group people didn't contribute, of course not, but I just hate the fact that I need to be the initiator, the person to call for practice, the person who corrects everyone's any mistakes, the person who seems to be in charge. Gah. I hate I hate I hate. I just don't wanna be a leader. Will someone take over my life?


Really boring and relaxing week last week but super hectic this week. Practices for sketch while cramming Chem and Maths stuff. Both tests are finally over. No more tests for the sem yo. Now, we await the finale. Dammit, it isn't any better.

Anyway, after a maths test and sketch practice that ruined a beautiful saturday morning, Vivian and I went to Tropicana. Woots. We had super awesome and cheap spaghetti. I had spicy tomyam pasta. Wae tastes so nice but yet so cheap? /touched/ Then we walked around and I bought my dream sandals! Finally they have my size omg why are my feet so damn huge? Wtf. Then we watched Petaling Street Warriors. A super hilarious yet action-filled movie. I love love love! So malaysian-singaporean, I can relate. And woots, Yeo Yan Yan is super awesome and pretty at her age! I still cannot believe she came to my house for filming and I took pictures and talked to her! /touched again/ After that, chilled at Starbucks with Javachip Frapuccino(fav!). I love today excluding the morning.

I screwed my maths test 3 over and over again. Why do I always have this situation?

I don't care. Gonna watch Breaking Dawn online now and watch Jay Chou's episode on 100% Entertainement and do other sorts of rubbish.

NO STUDYING AND HOMEWORK FOR TODAY AND TOMORROW. Although I'd most probably start doing tutorials tomorrow wtf.

Yay Vivian and I are going for free cake time in Food Foundry later and dimsum tomorrow. Can I say, I love my life right now?

Now, I wish my mum would call me.


There is no star we can't reach, together.

Labels: Daily life