Do you see me? Do you hear me?

I literally have no idea what I'm doing these days. I don't even know what I feel about most things, but mostly transient emotions I regret having later. I'm easily annoyed and angered by these days, it's like some part of the old me is back? I really hate this about myself though. Who the fuq am I to be angry? Why do people have to follow the principles of my life? I guess I should just be less opinionated, step back and let them do whatever they want as long as it doesn't involve me. I shouldn't have a say to correct anyone's wrongs or to change anything about anyone. Because who the fuq am I, after all? I guess this way I will offend less people?

It's been awhile since I become the emotionless person among my friends. I still laugh and shiz but I don't usually show personal feelings at all. I really don't know what I want to be honest. I know I'm getting more and more 'grey' nowadays, saying things like "we're gonna die soon anyway, chill" or "I don't expect anything but I expect myself to die quite soon, prolly a car accident". I don't wanna give out the negative aura but I can't help it. It's not my fault I just don't have any hopes in life. Like, everyone is really eager to graduate and see the world, but I'm not. Not really. I just immense myself in the past and present. I don't think about the future (because I think there is none for me) neither do I think about whether I'm ever gonna get married and have kids. I just don't think about all these things. Why? Do I not deserve what other people have too? Well, I've long promised to not get jealous about what others have and not hope for anything.

I should continue fulfilling that promise to myself.

Labels: Daily rant