Probably this is the first time I ever let myself feel. Now that I'm not building an invisible wall to protect myself, now that I'm not forever in that numb state, now that I finally let go of the poker face for a moment, I realise that I don't want to ever leave home. I miss home already.

Who knows how long your siblings will be around for now until they leave for their studies? It's not gonna be long, I'm sure. My sister is finishing her SPM and my brother is gonna take his PMR next year. Time flies. Time flies.

We also have no idea how long will our parents will be there for us, each and every time we need them, each and every time we get in trouble, each and every time we just need somebody to talk to, somebody to give some advice, somebody to comfort us for things we know we did wrong. Only our parents can understand the wrong things you do sometimes, only they will forgive and take us back every time we let them down. No other outsiders will ever care for us and love us as much as our parents do. Sometimes, I just wanna give up everything to go back to Ipoh to be with them and take care of them instead of the other way round now that I've grown up.

I get scared sometimes thinking how alone I will be in this world without my family. I always think that without my family, I have no real friends, with zero person to talk to, with zero person to go home to. But at the end of it all, What is home without family? It's called a house, an empty shell without love, without people you love, without people who love you.

I admit that I don't have a real ambition. I'm fine with whatever. I wanna hurry and finish my studies so I can finally go back home for real.
I'm sure all of you studying do too.

Labels: Daily rant, Random thoughts