Monday, February 27, 2012 // 0 comment(s)

I wrote this in Form 5. I used to be able to write good stuff. Now, I can't even write stuff half as good as this shit.

    She woke up screaming and screaming until she forced her eyes open and saw the darkness that was hugging her, only then she closed her eyes again to try to go to sleep. She loved the darkness that she found comfort in. She wiped off perspiration that covered her cheeks and forehead and she suspected, some tears too. It had always been like that. Her dream had always been the same one. Her nightmare never left her, not even for one night.

      "Earth to Lacey Brown. Are you even listening to me?" John Park asked while he searched her blank look suspiciously.

      "Yeah, yeah, I was just thinking about something." She muttered distractedly. She did not know why of all times, the nightmare was flooding all back to her now. It was so vivid she thought if she were to relive the whole thing again, she would rather die.

      "So, Miss Pindy asked us to write an essay. Which one are you going to write on? National service or funfair?"

      "FUNFAIR?" She froze when she heard that word. She was shaking so hard John had to catch her or she would have fallen.

      She had always been afraid of funfairs. That was an understatement. She was not afraid. She was terrified of funfairs. She went once when she was five. That was one trip that she had anticipated for about three months. Her whole family lived in a rural area, so it was very rare to have concerts or funfairs here. The small tiny one-storey house they lived in was big enough for the four of them, namely, her father, mother, elder sister, Didi and elder brother, Aaron. They were all very happy although they led simple lives.

      Well, until that funfair she regretted for going. She remembered waking up early in the morning and wore her favourite pink dress. She remembered tying her hair into two ponytails with two pink scrunchies and combing her fringe straight. She remembered she looked into the mirror, she saw her pretty self and smiled into the mirror. Then she bounced happily out of her room to wake her parents, sister and brother up.

      "WAKE UP DADDY! WAKE UP MUMMY! WE ARE LATE!" She shook them violently until both her parents rubbed their eyes and dragged themselves unwillingly to the bathroom. Then she went to her sister and brother's rooms and did the same. 


      "OKAY I GET IT." 

      She did not get angry when her sister shouted at her. Instead she bounced off to wake her brother up. The same happened to her. But her brother shouted at her and went back to sleep.

      "WAKE UP AARON KELLY BROWN! I'LL TELL SIOBHAN THAT YOU CHEATED ON HER!" She smiled at the taste of victory when her brother glared at her and zoomed around the room drowsily.

      She remembered sitting in the living room, all ready with her shoelaces tied, waiting impatiently for the rest of them to come downstairs and bring her to that funfair they promised to bring her. She heard them descending the stairs, so she jumped up and waited outside their small house. She clapped her hands together and smiled happily into the sky. She let the sun's warm rays hug her. She closed her eyes and felt the world becoming alive around her. She heard the birds chirping, leaves rustling and wind bristling through the clouds. Never did she know that that would be the last time she would ever smile into the sun or for that matter, smile, anymore. She did not know it would be her last time loving the sun because later, she never enjoyed anything. Why would she? A better question was, how could she?

       Everyone finally came out, all set for the funfair. Her father and mother both held her hand. She was so happy she kept beaming to them for no apparent reason. Her brother and sister were busy typing on their phones. She wondered, how could they be so unexcited to go to the funfair? She shrugged and skipped all the way to the funfair, with a smile that looked like it was carved on her pretty chubby face and her golden locks of hair bouncing up and down in a steady rhythm that glowed under the sun. 

       They could hear the laughters and chatters from a mile away. The funfair was so crowded with all the people from the same rural area. They too, had anticipated this funfair because this area seriously lacked of entertainment. She remembered seeing her best friend, John Park with his parents, queuing up to buy popcorn. She, too begged her parents to buy one box of popcorn for her. She knew they were not well off but she promised herself, no more food after this box of popcorn. She kept her promise. The better statement was, she could not break her promise even she wanted to because something that happened after changed her life and her mind, almost instantly. If only she did not like funfairs. If only her parents were not kind enough to bring her there. After all, all she could do now was repeating all the If Onlys.

       Her head hurt from all those reminiscing. She glanced at that ticking grandfather clock, the hands were pointed at two in the morning. She yawned. No wonder she was feeling so drowsy. She put down her pen. She was working on that essay John reminded her about. She decided to write on funfair. She was determined. She needed to get all these flashbacks and nightmares, all of them out of her system. She continued writing.

       Every ride was so costly. She needed to think what to try and what not to. That mary-go-round was every girl’s romantic dream. She needed to try that. Then that flying coaster and sky shot and mine’s train and...

       Her brother and sister went off on their own, probably too cool to be accompanying their little sister. She did not care, as long as her parents were here. She dragged and pulled them everywhere. She had to beg and whine all the way but she did not mind. She wanted to try all those rides so much. She was excited to be here, just this place. She remembered those awful music coming from all the rides and ice cream carts. It was awful, even worse when those music were going to be her lullaby, the stairway to her nightmare. The music accompanying her fears everyday. How could she have thought that those music were like sweet ringing candy to her ears, she thought disgustedly.

           She was so tired after all those rides and the excitement have not disappeared yet. She needed a rest. She snapped her fingers. She always did that when she felt lost.

           “Yes, I’m missing something. But, what?” She asked herself.

           She looked around and realized that her parents were not here. Her brother and sister were not here either. How could they just leave me alone? She blocked the sun’s glaring ray and tried to search for them. She walked around aimlessly. She was so tired. She needed to sit down. All those excitement were finally getting to her. Yes, she was tired but she did not want to waste her time just sitting around. So, she made the worst decision ever, she queued up for the mary-go-round, that spinning thing with those horses. She should have gone and continued her search for her family, not sitting on these horses.

             She was resting her eyes while enjoying the ride and the music when she heard screams. It was normal to scream or hear screams in a funfair, but these screams bothered her so much that she reluctantly opened her eyes, she felt her hair stand on its ends and saw what she kept seeing in her nightmares.

              The cart with her parents, her brother and her sister, it was off the rail. For a moment there, she did not register the fact that they were not screaming of excitement, but fear. 

              She got down from the mary-go-round. Slowly, she walked towards the roller coaster the four of them were on. She squeezed through the crowd and they all made way for her. She stood in the middle of the crowd and looked down. All she saw was red. Red, red, red and red.

               She saw her parents, her brother and her sister, they were all lying in a pool of blood so thick that she could smell it through the evening air. In the background, the horrible haunting music of the rides was playing again, ringing loud in her ears, as if mocking her because she was all alone now.

                That was the last paragraph of her essay entitled, funfair.

Chan Wai Lynn 5s1             


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